Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
please come you make the beer taste better
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
