That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
