Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am puke
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
