I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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