Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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