its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
