I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
