It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
