Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
