also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
