corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
