Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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