He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
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Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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