Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
