Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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