Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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