i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
