btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!