I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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