id be glad to
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.