So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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