Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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