Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
