On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
