I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize