I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
