Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
