I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
