So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
