we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
