WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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