you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
