my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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