I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
