i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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