No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
