I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
