don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
