My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
