i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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