yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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