Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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