garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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