did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
