btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
