Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
