His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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