The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
