Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
