Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sober January is a disaster.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
