why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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