True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
