I just made out with a guy for $7.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
