i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
