I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
