I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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