Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
