Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
