brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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