My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
