theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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