I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
