I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
