turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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