ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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