Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
