does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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