I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
